Those emotions…

Hey when r u goin home, Ridhhima asked me….and I got distracted from my work..I was busy meetin the deadline…I had to deliver the application y’day but…well…I said — 15th of february. “Ohhh after valentine’s day hmm…Valentine’s day celebrate karke hi jayegi…”, she said with a doubtful smile on her face and before I cud say nethin she went back to her cubicle…

Valentine’s day…oh yes, just one month left..It reminded me of that valentine’s day when we were together for the first and last time…As we both were from different cities, he used to come once in 6 months to meet me. It was 14th of february and I was damn happy…finally I am gonna meet him…I was quite nervous…This was not the first time when I was feelin as if I am meetin him for the first time…”Well…what can I do if the gap between our meetings is so long… “, I thot and suddenly a smile appeared on my face out of thin air… I was gettin ready…It was already 9:30 am and he asked me to be there by sharp 10 am…I rushed out of my home within seconds….All the way to Pizza Hut, I was jus imaginin him..”I don’t know why can’t I remember his face…he must hav put on weight…I asked him to avoid Non-veg but he is so stubborn…”, I was busy speakin to myself when Autowala disturbed me…”Yahin utarna hai aapko?”…I looked at Pizza Hut’s outlet…”Haan bhaiya, yahin rok do”….

I had been waiting for the man for more than 20 minutes and it was so embarassing standin outside the outlet…everyone was watchin me as if it is any crime to stand alone on Valentine’s day..but I was kind of enjoyin all that…I got sometime to overcome my nervousness….but still if given a chance I wud hav ran away from there….

I cud see someone comin on my side…smiling…lookin at me…”Oh…he is there”, I spoke to myself…I cudn’t resist smiling at him…Black jeans…black jacket….white T-shirt and his evergreen sunglasses…He was lookin as handsome as always….He came n hugged me….He said — “I am so sorry doll(this is how he used to call me), I made u wait for me…by the way…Happy valentine’s day”. I wanted to pretend as if I am angry but I cudn’t do it…I told him that it’s fine…He gave me couple of red roses…I smiled..n as I was about to make a move so that we can go in n sit, he grabbed my hand n stopped me…I looked at him with my questionning eyes…but he was jus smilin n starin at me…as if he was tryin to sanctify my image in his eyes for next 5-6 months…until we meet again…I didn’t react…I kept quiet tryin to make eye-contact with him…but I failed…I don’t know why was I so shy..Lookin at my uncomfortable shy reaction, he said…”Ok…let’s go..”. We went in…one of the crew members in Pizza Hut wished us Happy valentine’s day…We found out a table in the corner and we sat there..he placed an order….

We were sittin quiet…he was lookin at me…n I was lookin down as if I’ll find some place under the table to hide myself…
“Look here”, he said…
“Look where…”
“Mujhe dekho my sweet tubelight doll…”

I gave him a smile n again continued with my “under-table-research”…n started recallin what did he say…”umm….sweet….doll….n tubelight…why do he always calls me tubelight…I don’t like this….” .While I was busy with my recallin, the boy came n said — “Here’s your Pizza Ma’am”…I looked up n said Thankyou…

“You are toh not goin to eat nethin…asusual…right??”, he said…
“Nothin like that…I’ll have..u start..”, I said…
“Ok, have it…main khilata hoon….”
“Come on, I am not a kid…”,I said…
“Well…I didn’t mean that…I was just…leave it…as u wish…”, he said mischievously…n started eating…

I felt sorry for being so rude…but I can’t help it…I am like this…I knew this that he wanted me to be romantic sometimes….but then…I can’t do it in public places…I mean…is this the only way that can prove that I can also be romantic…n even if I had tried to do what he wanted, I wouldn’t have succeeded….

“So…what r ur plans for today?”…he broke the silence finally…
“Plans ?? “, I asked him…
“Yaaa, not goin out with ur valentine..?”
“No, how can I date two ppl at the same time…I came out with u…”
“What if he comes to know abt it…what will u do then?”, he gave me a naughty smile…
“Well…he is not that clever like u…n he also don’t assume things like u do…”
“He is very cute….he don’t even doubt me…”, I added…
“Okay…so u like him more than me?”, his tone changed…
“Hmmm….ya…”
“Ya???”
“Yaaaaa”, my “ya” was more prominent this time…
“Okkkaaayyy….”, he got up angrily n asked for the bill…

We came out…he was not talkin to me….was tryin to pretend as if he is avoidin me…even I didn’t say nethin…but I just cudn’t control n started laughing….

“Bachha…why do u get angry for no reason at all…haan??”
“Why did u say that u love someone more than me?”, he looked at me n asked me…n again I cudn’t resist and started laughin…
“Haso mat…I asked u somethin”, he said…
“Arey baba, just tell me who else is there in my life other than u??”
“But how could u say that…?” , he said..
“Accha, sorry….but I don’t know why am I sayin sorry to u…I mean…I don’t hav ne bf…u r the one..u know this…then…neways…as u wish..”
“No, u need not to be sorry…may be I overreacted…”
“Ok then, why r we wastin time exchangin sorries…?”
“Ya, now….where are we goin?”…he looked around….
“Well…I don’t know…u tell me…where do u wanna go…”, I shrugged my shoulders…
“Hmmm….okay…then…come…I’ll take u to my hotel’s room…”, he again gave me a naughty smile…
“I mean…waise bhi u r lookin gud today n ur wearin off shoulders…”, he added…
I smiled n said — “So what..what do u mean by that..?”
“I mean…I didn’t know u can also look appealing at times…”
“You…u r jus sick…shut up ok…don’t try to be dirty with me…keep ur dirty ideas with u…” n we started laughin out loud….
“Ok…m jus kiddin…n yes, I doubt now u’ll not torture me by remindin me how dirty can I be…I mean…ur tortures are of 6th degree man…”
“Ho gaya tumhara??”, I slapped his back…n he again started laughin as he won the “let-me-tease-you” competition…

We kept on roamin whole day….talkin…hand in hand..he, teasin me like always…n I, askin him to sing all my favourite songs…n he was singin all those songs for me…”Hello ma’am, welcome to Aapki Farmaish….which song would u like to hear?”….and I made him sing 20-30 songs for me..That day, we walked through the city like two little unimportant ants in a swarm. Yet I’ll always remember it, because it can’t happen again.

“Its turnin dark…what time is it?”, he said…
“Its already 6:30 pm…”, I took a deep breath….I knew this that I hav max 30 mins more with him…

Both of us were quiet….his two steps to my one….we were short on words…I was tryin hard to be normal n to take the initiative to start a topic to talk on…That silence was makin me feel more like cryin…I pulled my hand from his hand to stop my tears which were about to tickle down my cheeks…he didn’t say nethin as if he was helpin me out in doin that…as soon as I wiped off my eyes, he grabbed my hand again…this time not too tightly….or too strongly…but delicately….

“There is the auto stand….Chalo, lets cross the road…I’ll leave u there n then go…”, he spoke in a murmuring voice…
“No, its fine…u must be gettin late…u leave..I’ll go”, I nehow managed to speak…
“No…I’ll leave u at the stand..at least we can have more 5 minutes to talk…”, he knew this that I am very scared while crossin roads…

I cudn’t speak nethin….Well, we crossed that road, though at the time I wished we never would. But, the fingers didn’t un-intertwine with mine. Every time he looked up at me, it would be a side-glance, or one where he doesn’t lift his head up fully, just a glace upwards with an artificial smile…as if he was tryin to console me…may be console himself….I don’t know….Finally, we crossed the road….and those “more 5 minutes to talk” passed off…silently and yes, quite quickly…

“So…”, he looked at me…
“Ya…”, I looked at him…my breath was unsteady…tears tickled at the edges of my eyes but nothin was tellin them to fall…All I cud do was lookin at him helplessly…
“Time to go….n yeah…don’t be upset…I’ll come again…very soon…”, he knew this that he was makin a false promise…as he won’t be able to come before at least 5-6 months…
“Hmmm….”, a lone tear made its way down my pale face as I looked at him….
“Can I hug u…?”, he asked…n he came close to hug me without even waitin for my answer….

N this time I cudn’t pretend as if I am a strong girl…n I don’t cry…I burst into tears …It wasn’t a surprise that everyone’s eyes shifted to us…My arms wrapped tightly around his body…In no time his arms were around me holdin me close to his heart, as I let the tears flow fully down my face with no regard…He was rubbin my back smoothingly…

“I am comin again honey…it’s not the last time we’re meetin…come on…”
“Promise me that u’ll come next month…”, I said adamantly…I knew that I am being so childish while askin him this…
“Ok…I’ll try…”, he didn’t hav ne option other than sayin this…
“Chalo…chup ab…nahin to sabko lagega maine kuch kar diya hai…look how ppl are lookin at us…pitwaogi kya…”, he smiled…
“Shut up…”, I tried smiling…
“Chalo then, I’ll leave…its too late…I need to catch up 8′o clock wali bus…”
“Ok…”, I said forcefully…

He went to an auto…said somethin and came back…
“Come doll…hurry up… sit…I told him to drop u at ur place…Theek se bata dena address…ok?”
“Ya..”, I got into auto…

I looked at him…I wanted to get out of the auto n ask him to stay only for one more day…but then Autowala asked me “Chalun madam?” ….”Haan chaliye”, I said n took a deep breath….until then we were holdin each other’s hand…he pulled his hands away from me…Autowala started auto…I kept eye contact and stared into those familiar black eyes….I waved him until he disappeared from my sight…more tears now fell from my red eyes….as I didn’t know whether he wud be there on the next 14th february…

“Did u crack the logic, is the module done?”, suddenly my boss interrupted me n brought me back from those memories…
“Yes, sir…m workin over it…give me an hour’s time…”, I said…

“I never want to experience those emotions again….No matter it hurts when u hav noone who can make u feel secured…wanted…loved…but at least its better than havin the person still existing somewhere and not with u who was with u that valentine’s day and will be with his fiance this valentine’s day….”, I thot…n pressed enter to bring my Pc back in workin mode from standby…n started workin….

Tags: emotions, love, songs, tears, valentine's day